Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Vegetarians at the Grill

So I went to the beach with my cousins for a week last week, and I considered something about being a vegetarian at the grill. I had veggie burgers and kebabs to grill - but I hate being the pushy vegetarian shoving people around. So here are Ms. Barefoot's rules for grilling and special diets:
Rule 1: If you care about what your food touches, BYOG. My kosher cousin showed up with his portable kosher grill. He and his wife prepared their own food, kept their grill away from the others, and did not get in anyone's way. Do not demand the grill be scrubbed before your veggie burger touches it. I actually don't care where my food is cooked.
Rule 2: Wait your turn. Veggie burgers cook much faster than meat, so wait to go last. If you don't want to go after the meat, see Rule 1.
Rule 3: Don't tell other people what's in their food. Seriously. Nobody likes you. Shut up and go eat your boca burger. No lectures. Just stop. Nobody cares about methane, you are at a barbecue.
Rule 4: If you have preferences for veggie burgers, be specific or bring your own. I only like one brand of veggie hot dogs, the rest taste like dirt. (Morningstar Farms rocks; Smart Dogs are literally eating trash.)
Rule 5: Marinate your veggies before they go on the grill. Otherwise, they will taste dry.
Rule 6: Consider foil. If you don't want your food touching the grill, wrap your veggies or your burger in foil and toss it on. This also keeps them really moist and juicy.
Rule 7: Don't make other people eat your gross veggies, no matter how unhealthy you think they are.
Rule 8: Don't toss your meat or dairy products on somebody else's kosher or vegetarian or halel grille.
Rule 9: Don't burn anything down. Don't leave anything on the grill. Peppers burn.
Rule 10: Leave your shoes at the door.

No comments:

Post a Comment